I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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