Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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