Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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