So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
