his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
