If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
