youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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