Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
