I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
