he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
