so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
