What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
