I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
