I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
