mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
