we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
