Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
babies were throwing up all over the place
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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