just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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