I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
