I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
