i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
