Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
