I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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