I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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