you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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