hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
