your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
