I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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