I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
