I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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