as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
