this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
