He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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