Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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