i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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