And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
