"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
