This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
