I just pynch a tree in the face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
