I wanna bring you to show and tell
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
