he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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