he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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