woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
