I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
