booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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