so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
