Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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