New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you didnt know i had herpes?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
