I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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