dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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