Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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