are you still at the devil's house?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
