He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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