I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
