he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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