i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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